Disordered Eating

What ever you feel, know that you are not alone.

I hope my online presence can create a safe island for your where you can feel supported and loved for who you are.

My disordered eating started when I was twelve years old, but the ground for it started when I was four, this is when I became a perfectionist.
I was disappointed in myself and started to develop the mind set that I was a failure.

My eating disorder was hard and lonely.
It felt like thick mud in which I dragged my body around.
My approach to myself and my life was negative and cold, with temperatures below zero in my emotional tone.
I was anxious all the time. I had a huge fear of people.
My body felt awkward and heavy.
My internal dialogue was hyper critical and fearful and it started to sabotage my plans and procrastinate my goals.

Food had taken the main stage in my life and it became the actor, director and the sets.

Food became the answer to run from myself.
Food became the suppression of all my feelings and impulses.
Food numbed my feelings of hopelessness and depression.
Food hit my intense fear of rejection.

Unfortunately food also absorbed my free will and my creativity.
Food intensified my self hatred, guilt and shame, so that I needed more food to cover it up. 

I was completed trapped like a hamster on a wheel.

My food journey traveled through cycles of intense over eating, crazy diets, impossible cleanses, tough exercising, anorexia, bulimia and back to over eating again…..
I honestly did not grow up, I stayed in the emotional state of a 12 year old girl.

Eventually in 1988 when I had just turned 21, I received the biggest gift I ever had and have received in my life: Divine Intervention.
A Celestial Being from out of time visited me and gave me the strength and direction to heal.
I am forever grateful for this moment, it changed everything.

I let my body be my body and found ways to love myself, I learned to speak a new language with myself.
I became my own source of strength.
My sad and hurt inner child could come out in the open and I developed ways to nurture and parent her.
It all started with tiny, little baby steps, finding sparks of hope, joy and confidence.
My starved and frozen self started to trust.
I discovered the tools to feel the authentic flow of my life again.
This toolkit was filled to the brim with self care, nature, yoga and community.

My wish and mission is to hold space for you to discover yourself and to find your own inner guide.
I am right there to hold your hand and to take some of your deep suffering from you.
I know how it feels, you are seen.
You deserve to be happy, free and well.

I am looking forward to sharing my healing journey with you.

Big hug,
Marielle